I recently had the pleasure of interviewing several experts in the dating and relationship arena. This is the first part of seven in the interview series. You can check out all of the installments here.
In this installment I ask…
What is one thing that men can do right now to instantly improve their dating/seduction skills?
And because the cliche advice of “be more confident” isn’t exactly something you can quickly apply, I included the following addendum:
It’s easy to say be more confident – but this is something engrained and takes time and effort. Maybe mention steps men can take that will lead to more confidence in the long run.
Here are the answers…
JT “The Asian Playboy” Tran - The ABCs of Attraction
To be honest, I would say stand tall and make eye contact.
You would be amazed how just looking into someone’s eyes and smiling will make them light up. I teach a lot about body language, which I think tends to get glossed over.
You have to look like the man in charge if women are going to take you seriously. Now this sound very basic, but you have to have a firm grasp of the basics and principals. You might not think it, but a lot of guys do have trouble with the basic foundation of their confidence and skillset.
Brad P. – BradP.com
The quickest and easiest fixes that men can do are fashion and changing the way they stand and walk.
Fashion can be learned and corrected in a matter of 1-2 weeks. I have a book on it called Brad’s Fashion Bible.
Posture and walking can be corrected in under a month for many guys.
JT Styles - Get Girls not Game
“An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory” – proverb.
Instead of maybe reading a book (or two), and maybe watching a DVD (or ten) about dating/seduction, it’s most valuable to take action to improve dating/seduction skills. Therefore, the one thing men can do right now to instantly improve is to step out of the house and approach women.
Unfortunately, too many in the PUA community fall into the trap of being a Keyboard Jockey. They attain all the pickup knowledge without any real experience and they prefer talking about sleeping with women rather than actually sleeping with them. This is a tragedy.
Jordan Harbinger – The Art of Charm
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David Wygant - DavidWygant.com
Be more confident. Wonderful, great. How?
Look at life as a building.
Every day you’re building a new brick on top of another brick. Every single day you’re doing something to work on your confidence. There’s no short cuts out there at all, none.
So what do you need to do in order to become the most attractive version of yourself so women don’t run from you?
You need to smile at women, realize that they’re not afraid of you. You’re not afraid of them. You need to say hello. You need to look at simple observations and start stating them. You need to start becoming confident by going out and doing things.
It’s all about being confident. There’s no magic pill. I think that’s a big problem now a days – people are constantly looking for a magic pill. They want that magic to happen instantly. Real confidence takes time.
Take a look at sports. Nobody can just go out there and quarterback the New York Jets. You’ve got to go to college. You’ve got to work on your skills as a kid. It’s really important to understand.
Even in the business, you can’t just go read something and be successful overnight.
The principles in life work for everything. They work for business. They work for women. They work for everything. So you’ve got to be willing to go out and do everything.
Brad Jackson – PUMA Skills
The one thing they can do right now is to understand what they really want. This sounds easy, but most guys don’t know…they just want to get laid or get a girlfriend. But seriously, deciding what the most important criteria for them are, what the type of girl they’re looking to attract and even writing it down.
The next step is to write down, in detail, what their life will be like if they refuse to approach women they find attractive (simply because they’re afraid of rejection) and examine what won’t happen if they puss out.
Fear is a great motivator. And the fear of a shitty, lonely life is a lot worse than the fear of a moment of rejection by some woman at a bar.
Soon, you become fearless and life gets a lot easier when you’re fearless.
Jesse Charger – Seduction Science
The number one problem guys have is that they don’t take any action.
If you want a hot girlfriend, that’s something 99% of guys will never achieve. So you can’t do what everyone else is doing. You’ve got to take massive action over a year’s worth of time.
To take massive action, you’ve got to develop the right habits – day to day habits – that will allow you to take action and feel good.
Developing habits like going to the gym, eating the right foods, working on your public speaking, and going out… preferable on a near-daily basis.
And cutting out ALL the bad habits that don’t serve you. From television, to Internet, to bad foods, to negative self-talk, to drugs.
Daniel “Badboy” Messe - Badboy Lifestyle
One thing that you can instantly improve is to be more direct and honest with girls you talk to – speak your mind! Tell her directly to her face why you approached her, and why you are speaking to her.
If she is wearing something like, tell her. If she is turning you on, tell her that. Try to be as honest as you can. You will be amazed with their reactions.
Honest means Direct and that means CONFIDENT & Sexual!
Now, there is a little secret on how to do it efficiently.
See, its not only about giving compliments. Compliments are one way energy – feeding her ego. Your job is to add yourself into a compliment, so she starts to feel sexual towards you.
2 Examples…
- “Hmm… you smell so good… its so turning me on.”
- “You have such a nice legs.. they are so distracting me from conversation, can’t concentrate….”
There is one more small tip for this delivery: WHISPER IT IN HER EAR!!
I dare you to implement it in your game. Results are wild!!
Stevie PUA – SteviePUA.com
Looking back on some of the times when I made the biggest breakthroughs in the development of my game, one thing that stands out is ‘getting talkative’.
Getting talkative is taking the opportunity to talk to people wherever you are in your daily life. It allows you to practise your social skills. And in the beginning, it doesn’t have to be about seducing them. It’s about getting comfortable in your own skin with chatting to people all the time. The people can be anyone and everyone you meet – male, female, old, young.
Let’s say you are waiting for a train or standing in line in a shop – you talk to the people around you. It doesn’t have to be a long conversation, just a few lines will do. Sometimes it will turn into a proper conversation, other times you will just make contact with them in a non-needy way. You are showing you are a sociable, open person who doesn’t want anything – just someone who is making human to human contact.
Talking to everyone around you soon becomes second nature after a few weeks if you do it every day. And the crucial pay off to this is that when you meet a pretty girl in your proximity, talking to her is just another part of your routine. You talk to the little old lady, to the businessman, to the nerd in the bank, to the attractive girl, to the kid next door. Because you become used to chatting with people from all walks of life, that transfers itself to your interactions with girls you’d like to meet.
Getting talkative improves your social skills, it helps you make up conversation on the fly and it increases the spontaneity of your interactions.
As you increase your social skills and as talking to people all the time improves, you can add in little seductive elements that are congruent with who you have now become.
Another pay off from getting talkative is you seem more outgoing, you make more social contacts, have more social influence because you know more people and that helps add to your social value which brings social proof.
Notice, I didn’t mention confidence or picking up girls. By reframing how you approach your social contacts to being about meeting people and talking to them, you naturally develop an attractive persona. Given time, that persona becomes who you really are because you have stepped into the new life you are creating.
Chris Orleans - Chris Orleans on Facebook
It is so easy to offer generic answers on things that guys can do to immediately improve their success with women but in truth the answer SHOULDN’T be that easy. Everyone has different problems and different challenges that they must conquer. Despite what the internet marketers will tell you this will require some effort on your part to win at the game.
As such I offer this instead; take a good hard look at where you are at in terms of consistent results with women. Are you having a hard time opening? Are you “running out of things to say”? Wherever you think you are in terms of your skill-set there will always be a next progression, even though it may not be immediately apparent. With the monstrous amount of resources available online it’s incredibly difficult to stay on track and make sure that you’re staying true to your own progression; especially when “brand new technology for same night lays” pops up on your radar. But what good does that new technique do for you if you are unable to hold a conversation for 30 seconds, or begin touch progression, or even do something as small as be able to make a woman laugh.
Keep your focus on what is immediately important to your progression and you will see your results improve much faster than your average information junkie. Find and fix the real problems in your interactions rather than trying to tackle challenges that may or may not show up.
Steve Williams – SchoolOfDating.com
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Make sure to stay updated about future installments of this interview series by signing up for updates below. You will also get a free copy of “The Science of Attraction.” You can also keep up to date by bookmarking the PUA Expert Interview Series hub page and checking back.
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